The Apprentice episode 5 review: chaotic campaign causes Shazia Hussain to get the boot

It’s advertising campaign week on The Apprentice and the two teams competed to produce a marketing campaign for an eco-motorbike.

Let’s cut to the chase – predictably both campaigns were absolutely dreadful. Listening to their pitch, the expert panel began listening with gentle bemusement, descending into incredulity and barely suppressed anger as they watched these novices destroy any appeal this product might have had to a national TV audience. Asked by Avi Sharma to “put up your hand if you know what “onomatopoeia is”, you felt that at any moment they’d walk over, punch the presentation screen, kick the bike over and scream “yes and I know what a babbling idiot sounds like too!” Not a success!

Despite declaring that she knows nothing about motorbikes, advertising or even has a driving licence, somehow Marnie Swindells was elected Project Manager over colleagues with much more insight in the electric vehicle market. If only you could bottle the confidence of Marnie, her physical presence, her calm sense of entitlement, her unerring belief that she is the smartest person in the room and the power of knowing that if you disagree with her, she could take you out in a fight.

However, confidence doesn’t always square with actual skill, experience or judgement. She decided that the target market for her eco-bike would be “petrol heads”. She didn’t think the bike was sufficiently appealing in itself, it had to be sexed up. It was like if only Greta had worn something strappy then maybe Andrew Tate might have been keener.

She called her bike “Soldier” because she felt that it suggested being “robust, dependable and reliable” although depending where you live in the world, other interpretations are possible. Her “Ride dirty, drive clean” ad showed her astride the bike like Marjorie Taylor Greene on her way to the latest insurrection. Not sure how big the environmentally conscious MAGA consumer market is in the UK, but she would definitely have nailed it.

Meanwhile Reece Donnelly and Megan Hornby attempted a high-end sexy advert with Megan wanting to go for a “take charge of your bike, take control of your woman” vibe. Did she really say that? Their ad’s storyline looked more like a lonely flat-dweller getting excited by the arrival of a Deliveroo driver and speeding off for a quick takeaway. More tragic subplot than appealing fantasy.

Meanwhile on the other team, Shazia Hussain resiliently destroyed any chance Bradley’s team had of winning despite valiant attempts by her team members to influence her. In the end they just gave up. Shazia has shared that she is neurodiverse, which depending on the person, can really enhance a team by offering valuable different perspectives. But it can also sometimes make collaborative working more challenging. To be fair to Shazia, she was probably no less insistent on getting her way than Marnie on the other team who complained that there were “too many voices” only when she wasn’t speaking herself or others weren’t obeying her.

Shazia did at least take responsibility for her decisions and was rightly fired. The Zip-Zap logo looked like Zif-Zaf, she booked an actor who couldn’t ride a bike, and her TV advert was cringeworthy.

I wonder what people see when they look back at themselves in these episodes. Are they like Bradly Johnson, who seeing himself in his TV advert this week fell in love with himself on screen? Or do they use it as a unique opportunity for feedback about how they interact with others. I expect Shazia will look back and feel that she has been true to herself and did her best, which is probably the most any of us can ask for really.