Spill the safe-tea: EE helps parents and kids open up about online safety this Safer Internet Day

Scams, the focus for this year’s Safer Internet Day, are a particular concern, with one in four 13–17-year-olds having experienced scams, fraud or phishing online, according to Online Safety Group Internet Matters. In today’s connected age, the government and regulator are working alongside tech providers to increase protection for children, while parents and educators play a similarly important role in introducing kids to the online world gradually and safely.

“Most parents now understand they need to pay as much attention to their children’s digital safety as they do their physical safety” explains Alex Towers, Director of Policy Public Affairs at BT Group. The job of explaining the realities and dangers of the online world starts early, when children first encounter gaming, smartphones and other connected devices. 58% of parents of 3-to-12 year-olds are now talking to their kids about online safety on a regular basis; but we want to help and encourage the 16% who haven’t yet had any of those conversations.

“At EE, we recommend against the use of smartphones by under-11s, or social media for under-13s; and we have guidance and advice on how to use parental controls and family sharing. But just as important is that parents keep talking regularly to their children, whatever their age, about how to navigate the world online.”

In 2024, EE provided guidance for parents around smartphone usage for under-16s, recommending that those under 11 should not own a smartphone, and those aged 11-13 should use strict parental controls and a family sharing app, recommending that those aged between 13-16 should have parental controls that manage inappropriate content, or link their social medias to a parent or guardian’s account.

Steps that parents can take today to improve the safety of their children online, include ensuring they have adequate parental controls set up on all connected devices; checking their children’s digital ages on social platforms align with their actual age; and educating them about ‘red flags’ when engaging with people online.

For parents looking for further support EE offers PhoneSmart, a free digital course that gives children the knowledge to be safe and kind online.

Parenting expert, Sue Atkins offers five ways to broach ‘the chat’ about online safety:

Pick a safe space: “The trickiest part is often finding the best moment to speak to your child without damaging their sense of self. Having the conversation somewhere neutral, where you both can focus on something else, such as whilst driving, or walking, is a great way to take the pressure off. Awareness days like Safer Internet Day also provide a handy kicking off point.”

Guide, don’t override: “Some freedom is important – children must develop their own toolkits to navigate the world but arming them with clear guidance gives them a solid foundation on which to approach new online space. Your child will probably know more than you about certain online sites and trends, while you will likely know more about the potential dangers and motives behind certain content and behaviours online. Showing respect to their skillset will make them more comfortable to respect yours.”

Age appropriate: “For kids under 11, you want to keep things simple and relatable when explaining why their access to the internet has been prohibited or limited; you can afford to be a bit more direct, and give clear instruction. From 11 and up, you’ll have more success exploring social situations and unpacking the way people behave, and the motivations behind them when explaining why safety settings are in place. (Safety settings are better than parental controls when talking to kids because they focus on creating a secure online environment without making children feel overly restricted!) The goal in both interactions is to maintain trust, while setting clear boundaries.

No can be the kindest word: “Learning to set boundaries with your children is not just about protecting them, it’s also about teaching discipline, gratitude, and the power to set their own boundaries as they grow into adults. Being firm, but always kind, is the best gift you can give your children on the cusp of adulthood.

”Avoid defensiveness: “It’s normal for your child to be resistant or sensitive in conversations surrounding their devices. They can feel like an extension of themselves and can provide children escapism from their real-life problems. Don’t fight fire with fire and be defensive back – take the time to try and bridge the gap between how and why you both feel the way you do about their tech.”