9 different types of dater - and how to identify which one you are (and also who you're on a date with)

In today’s diverse dating landscape, people come with a variety of goals and expectations. Whether you're looking for a committed relationship or something more casual, understanding what type of dater someone is can make all the difference in finding the right partner. If you're seeking a long-term relationship but end up with someone only interested in short-term hookups, it can lead to frustration and disappointment.

That’s why NationalWorld has spoken to Alex Mellor-Brook, Co-founder at elite dating agency Select Personal Introductions, Internationally Certified Matchmaker, Dating Expert and Science-Based Relationship Coach to find out all the things you need to know to have the best possible dating experience. This is the first of a series of features where Mellor-Brook will discuss love and relationships. If you have any questions you’d like him to answer in future weeks, please email [email protected].

To start off with, here are some common types of daters you might encounter on your dating journey so you can spot which one you’re on a date with - and also which one you are yourself.

1. Serial Dater

Some people may have just come out of a long-term relationship or perhaps have never had one at all. What they’re really after is the freedom that dating without commitment provides. It’s the thrill of the chase, the excitement of new beginnings, that keeps them hooked. When they start a new relationship, the brain releases dopamine and norepinephrine—giving them that exhilarating rush. However, once the chemical high fades, they tend to lose interest and move on quickly, sometimes dating multiple people simultaneously. Interestingly, these are the same chemicals released during addictive behaviours like gambling, which suggests that for some, dating itself can become an addiction. They’re not in it for the long haul—they’re in it for the next hit of excitement.

2. Friends with Benefits

Some people find themselves drifting into relationships that never seem to progress to a long-term commitment. Often, it’s because they’re still carrying the baggage of past toxic relationships or have a fear of becoming emotionally attached. It’s easier to keep things light—someone to spend weekends with, go to the theatre or enjoy a short getaway. But finding someone to share your life with, quirks and imperfections included, can feel like a much bigger risk. It’s a comfortable space, but one that avoids the deeper connection they may ultimately be craving, even if they don’t realise it.

3. Relationship-Focused Dater

Someone genuinely looking for a long-term, committed relationship is a different breed of dater. They’re not here for games or short-term thrills. These individuals are more likely to take the time to read your full profile, examine your photos, and even do a bit of detective work on your social media. They’re trying to figure out if you suit their end goal—a serious relationship—or if you’re one of the other types of daters we’ve mentioned. These people aren’t afraid to invest in the process because they’re in it for the real deal.

4. Hookup Seeker

Some people seek physical intimacy without the strings of emotional attachment or commitment. They crave the rush—the dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline, and serotonin that come with those initial encounters. It feels incredible, and you’ll find yourself wanting more. But here’s the catch: as the novelty wears off, those chemical highs start to decline when you’re with the same person. That’s often when they’ll move on, searching for a new partner to chase that next hit of excitement. It’s all about the thrill, not the connection—so don’t expect anything long-term here.

5. Digital Pen Pal

Some people form emotional or intellectual connections online but have no real desire to meet in person. Often, this is driven by a fear of rejection. Keeping things virtual allows them to remain in control—deciding when to communicate and when to pull away. It’s a safe zone, protecting them from the vulnerability of in-person interaction. By staying at arm’s length, they avoid the risk of being turned down while still gaining the emotional connection they crave. But make no mistake, it’s about control and self-preservation more than building a real, face-to-face relationship.

6. Adulation Seeker

Some people date purely for attention, validation, and admiration. They create the perfect photos and bios designed to attract the maximum number of swipes, likes, winks, and any other form of recognition. They'll engage in conversation just long enough to soak up the compliments, but once the flattery subsides or new admirers appear, they quickly move on. It’s not about genuine connection—it’s all about feeding their ego.

 7. Rebound Dater

Some people aimlessly wander into dating soon after a breakup, using a new relationship as a distraction or a way to heal. It’s often less about looking for love and more about escaping the pain of their past. In these cases, the date can feel more like a therapy session than anything romantic, and by the end of it, you may feel like a dumping ground for all their unresolved emotions from the previous relationship. It’s a tough spot to be in and not the ideal way to start something new.

 8. Polyamorous Dater

Maintaining multiple romantic or sexual relationships with everyone’s consent is a path that requires emotional resilience and clear boundaries. For those involved, it’s about sharing love openly but with the agreement of all parties. It’s definitely not for the faint-hearted—this is more suited to the open-minded and emotionally robust

9. Transactional Dater

Dating for material or financial gain rather than an emotional connection is often referred to as "The trade-off." You provide the money; they provide the beauty. It’s not about love, but rather about whether you have what they want and what they’re willing to exchange for it. Think of headlines like "83-year-old billionaire marries 23-year-old" – all in the name of love!

That said, there are some serious challenges. Polyamorous relationships thrive on openness, trust, communication, and mutual respect. Jealousy can naturally creep in, especially when new partners join the dynamic. And let’s not forget that discussions around raising children in these setups can bring unique complications. It’s certainly a lifestyle that demands high emotional intelligence and maturity from everyone involved.