Geoff Capes' life of police, shot put, World's Strongest Man and budgies represented a part of Great Britain
and on Freeview 262 or Freely 565
There’s a dusty, possibly little-remembered sketch by Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer from the mid-90s, in which they play corpulent and venal town councillors Cox and Evans.
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Hide AdThe pair meet in Aldington-on-Sea to unveil “funbins” on Marine Way, with the first joke centring around a bin that is mistaken twice for Henry VIII - much to the chagrin of Bob Mortimer’s Cllr Evans, who insists that it is in fact Geoff Capes. It then turns out that the beard in the bin effigy of the shotputter contains a shoe buff (Yes, the absurd genius of Vic and Bob always sounds underwhelming when written down. But it’s both genius and absurd).
That’s the first of many things that come to my mind on hearing the sad news that Geoff Capes has died aged 75. Because for a long time he was that rare thing - a punchline who inspired no mockery. Installing a bin with a built-in shoe buff is quite funny - making it look like Geoff Capes was funnier. But none of that was to demean him or expose him to ridicule. It was always warm. Because everyone knew who Geoff Capes was. In fact, if you were asked to anything physically demanding in the 1980s you might well complainingly respond: “I’m not bloody Geoff Capes”. And everyone would know what you meant.
He is one of those people who are of their time, and who you feel will not be seen again. His wonderfully quixotic life - a bit of a tearaway as a youth, “his name was on every page of my bad book” said the head boy of the George Farmer School in Holbeach, Lincolnshire, the year Geoff joined. This is according to Geoff’s autobiography Big Shot, and later on Geoff admits “I was good at sport and I was good at scrapping”.
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Hide AdAthletics and awe-inspiring manual work straightened him out - another nugget from the book reveals that he “once loaded 20 tons of potatoes on a cart in 20 minutes to show it could be done”. Pictures of his diet from the time have passed into legend - a day’s food included a full carton of eggs, a whole box of Special K, about six pints of milk, a couple of loaves of bread and goodness knows what else.
From this came the athlete who has been capped by Great Britain more than any other, and although before my memory, everyone knows that in the 1970s Geoff Capes was almost unbeatable in the shot.
But it’s everything else about him that makes me so admire him - and yes, and while that autobiography sits on one of my bookshelves, there is also a signed picture under my roof. I’m a fan, and unashamedly so. And here’s why.
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Hide AdAlongside top-level competition he was a police officer - imagine that beast of a 6ft 5in man coming to break up a rural pub fight on a Saturday night - and having left athletics he became the World’s Strongest Man... twice. I do have memories of him tearing up the phone book and bending steel girders, although how much of that is accurate and how much is romanticised I do not know.
Having done that, he spent more time indulging his love of budgerigars - which according to legend he picked up after chatting to a bloke for an hour before arresting him for non-payment of fines during his police days. His budgies were - appropriately - often bigger than average and his expertise saw him become president of the Budgerigar Society in 2008. It sits on top of a life well lived.
And from there he was to be found in every corner of popular culture. Appear in Supergran? Check. Film a Volkswagen ad in which he flipped over a Polo? Check. Feature in a Commodore 64 and ZX Spectrum computer game in the 1980s? Check.
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Hide AdTo conclude where this started, with a thread leading back to Reeves and Mortimer, their long-time associate Matt Lucas was, with David Walliams, behind the noughties comedy show Little Britain. Where the premise of that programme could have been to find the humour in British life, its traditions, its quirks and its individuality, instead it was a spiteful, nasty, class-deriding offence of a despicable show.
But Geoff Capes (while Big and not Little) belongs in the category of joyful things that can truly be said to have made Britain great. A household name - and face - who was recognisable to millions, he was like the theme music to The Archers, sitting on a beach in the rain on holiday, FA Cup Final Day and Only Fools and Horses. English to a T. A renaissance man of sorts, with achievements which are to be venerated and yet which also always raise a smile. But he was never the butt of the joke.
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