Ghosting: Counsellor reveals why the common dating habit is ruining your self-esteem

But what is the emotional impact of ghosting? cardfactory spoke to a counsellor to find out more about the impact it can have and their in-house wordsmiths have crafted the perfect texts to let someone down easy.

Georgina Sturmer, Counsellor, MBACP, says: “When someone vanishes from our life, it’s hard not to take it personally. We might suspect the reasons behind their behaviour, but even so, it can leave us feeling insecure or vulnerable. This can have a detrimental effect on our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. It can leave us feeling stressed or worried about what we have done to contribute towards being ghosted.”

“When we ghost someone else and disappear without explanation, we might be left feeling guilty or embarrassed or ashamed. Perhaps we didn’t feel that we could tell the truth about our motivation, as we felt that being honest would be too upsetting for the other person. Or sometimes our behaviour is in some way driven by our own lack of self-esteem. If we feel insecure or unhappy, then sometimes we push people away before they have the chance to reject us.

“If we have been ghosted, and our feelings are unresolved, then it might leave us feeling more insecure or vulnerable in future relationships. We might find it hard to trust other people, for fear of being ghosted again.

“For many of us, communicating by text has become the norm. It’s become the way that we are used to communicating with each other. But the challenge with text messages is that they can be read and re-read, analysed and overanalysed. And so if someone has used a text message to end a relationship, then we might become fixated or obsessed with what they have said, and how they have said it. And we don’t have the opportunity to understand how they are feeling, the emotions behind their intentions. And we aren’t given the right to reply.”

Here are a few easy anti-ghosting texts to copy and paste into your notes app or iMessage:

Perfect for when you’ve been on one date with the person but there wasn’t a spark:

• “I enjoyed meeting you the other night. It was nice getting to know you but after giving it some thought, I didn’t feel a romantic connection. I wish you all the best in your search for someone special.”

• “Thank you for the date. I had a lovely time, but I don’t see things going any further. I hope you find someone who’s a great match for you.”

Been on a few dates, but they aren’t making an effort? Try:

• “I’ve enjoyed our dates, but I feel like it’s been a little one-sided at times. I think it’s best we end things here. Take care.”

• “Spending time with you has been fun, but I’m looking for someone who’s equally invested in building a relationship. It’s probably best if we go our separate ways. Best of luck!”

Or for those times you’ve decided you want to put yourself first:

• “You’ve been wonderful, but I need to prioritise myself and put my own needs first at this point. It’s not been an easy decision, but it’s the right one for me. I wish you all the best.”

• “Our time together has been really nice, but I’ve realised that I need to focus on my personal growth right now. I think it’s best if we part ways. I hope you understand.”

A recent survey by cardfactory found that 1 in 5 people (21%) think leaving a negative relationship is a milestone that should be celebrated. So if you know someone who’s going through a break-up, why not send them a thoughtful (or celebratory!) personalised card?