I'm a professional matchmaker - these are the red flags that will turn people off
Creating a dating profile can be a difficult task. You want to sound interesting, without being a try-hard. You need to stand out against the competition, without coming across as strange. And you need to be clear about who you are and what you are after, without sounding demanding or negative.
It can be a minefield. Luckily, dating expert Ann Parnes is here to help. The former lawyer-turned professional matchmaker has ghostwritten hundreds of dating profiles as founder of high end dating service After Hello, and she has seen first hand what does and doesn’t work.
“I always start by helping clients identify the three most important things they want someone to know about them,” she says.
“Those traits should guide every part of the profile; from photo selection to how they answer questions.
“When you’re clear about what makes you unique, you can create a profile that showcases who you truly are and attracts the right matches.”
“What doesn’t work is trying to appeal to everyone or filling out prompts with one or two-word answers just to check the box. If you don’t lead with intention, your profile risks blending in with hundreds of others that sound vaguely the same.”
She has listed five dos and dont’s to help you find love online.
A picture tells a thousand words
Photos matter; a lot, according to Ann. “In many cases, they determine whether someone even reads your bio. I recommend four to seven recent, high-quality images that show different aspects of your life: a clear headshot, a full-body photo, a candid shot doing something you enjoy, and a social photo where you're easy to spot,” she says.
What not to do
Don’t post excessive selfies - especially in bathrooms. Avoid filters that noticeably alter your appearance, group shots where you’re hard to identify, photos with hats, sunglasses, or masks that hide your face - or anything more than a year or two old.
“You want to look like the version of yourself who will be showing up for the date”, she says. Nobody likes surprises when it comes to online dating.
It pays to stand out
When it comes to writing, specificity is everything, Ann says. “Instead of saying ‘I love to travel’ or ‘I’m fun and easygoing,’ share something that actually reveals your personality.
Mention a favourite weekend ritual, a recent adventure, or a quirky habit that shows how you move through the world,” she says.
What not to do
Avoid generic buzzwords and vague adjectives as these hamper real connection. “If your profile could apply to half the people on the app, it’s time to revise,” Ann says.
Be kind and provide ice breakers
When you’re trying to invite a good match, why not help out potential dates by making it easy for them to start the conversation. According to Ann, one of the best ways to do that is by ending with a light question like, “Know a better coffee spot than mine?” or “What should I read next?”
What not to do
Try not to be bland in your conversational style. “What doesn’t work is a profile that feels one-sided where there’s nothing to respond to. A great profile should open the door and give someone both the confidence and the material to reach out”, Ann says.
Talk more about who you are than what you want
A strong profile is about two-thirds who you are and one-third what you’re looking for, Ann says. Start with what lights you up: your values, your sense of humour and how you like to spend your time. Then, share the kind of connection you’d love to build, without turning it into a checklist of demands.
What not to do
Avoid a shopping list of wants and expectations. “Leading with negativity and stating what you don’t want or outlining a set of rigid requirements never works. That kind of energy tends to push people away, even if they might be a good match”, Ann says.
Can I ask ChatGPT for help?
AI can be a helpful starting point when creating your profile, especially if writing doesn’t come naturally, says Ann. It can help you organise your thoughts, choose prompts that highlight your personality, and catch grammar issues or typos. But she warns daters to use it as a brainstorming partner; not a ghostwriter.
What not to do:
“Don’t copy and paste an AI-generated profile. You need to personalise it. People value authenticity and can usually tell when something feels flat or overly polished. The final version should still sound unmistakably like you”, Ann says.