Wedding speech expert shares ultimate etiquette dos and don'ts for toasts

An author and expert speech writer from Gloucestershire has shared the ultimate dos and don'ts list for anyone making a wedding speech this year.

Heidi Ellert-McDermott, 48, is a former BBC producer turned speechwriter, and author of The Modern Couple’s Guide to Wedding Speeches.

As the founder of Speechy, she’s written thousands of speeches for clients across the globe.

The Speechy team wrote Scott Mills’ wedding speech when he got married last year, and their speech advice has appeared in publications such as The New York Times and Forbes.

Heidi says: “Modern weddings have evolved massively, but speeches are still stuck in the dark ages.

"They’re either overly formal, a bit sexist, or just... boring. We need to do better.”

Below Heidi shares seven of her best insights for 2025 summer weddings:

1. “Ladies and Gentlemen” Is Dead You’re not on stage at the Royal Variety Show. “Gendered intros are outdated, and formal openings are a buzzkill. Try something warmer and more real like, ‘Hello everyone - what a day, eh?’ That conversational tone instantly creates connection.”

2. Reading from Your Phone? Just Don’t. It clashes with your outfit, ruins the photos, and screams I haven’t rehearsed. “People are hardwired to dislike it when someone stares at a screen instead of them - especially during something emotional. Print your speech out, use cue cards, do anything but pull out your phone.”

3. Still All-Male Line-Ups? Really? The dad-groom-best man formula is looking tired. “More brides are stepping up, but I want equal airtime. A speech isn’t a grudging obligation - it’s your moment to add magic to the day. Let’s hear from the sister, the bride, or even Grandma!”

4. Keep the Flowers Off the Mic Giving bouquets during your speech seems sweet but totally breaks the moment. “It interrupts your flow and just makes everyone awkward. Save heartfelt gestures for a quiet moment later - they’ll mean more without 100 people watching.”

5. 10 Minutes Max - Seriously TikTok has rewired our attention spans. “If your speech goes over 1,300 words, you’re in the danger zone. Every 20 seconds needs a job to do - a laugh, a reveal, or an emotional punch. If it’s just ‘filler’, cut it.”

6. Ban the Google Gags Yes, we’ve heard the one about the groom pretending to describe a football match. “Your audience deserves better than a recycled YouTube joke. No PowerPoint of the groom’s dodgy haircuts, and definitely no ‘last five minutes of freedom’ gags. Be original. Be brave. Be you.”

7. Get Comfortable with the Feels Crying used to feel awkward. Now, it earns applause. “You don’t need to be Shakespeare - you just need to be sincere. Vulnerability is powerful. In fact, the speeches that get the biggest laughs are often the most heartfelt.”

Heidi is the founder of Speechy, the UK’s pioneering speechwriting company. She left the BBC to set up Speechy after delivering her own bride speech and writing her groom’s.

The team have also launched SpeechyAI, which is more than ChatGPT in a wedding outfit. It’s a cutting-edge tool powered by the top-tier AI and programmed by the Speechy wordsmiths.