Every Premier League manager and their Alan Partridge character alter ego
Attender of international boat shows, voracious consumer of boiled egg baguettes, wearer of tan string-back driving gloves: Alan Gordon Partridge is back on the BBC, after landing a second series of 'This Time With Alan Partridge'.
Over the years, we've seen Alan evolve (rather than revolve) quite magnificently, as Steve Coogan's genius creation continues to be expertly honed via TV shows, books, podcasts, and even a film.
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Now, we've previously delved into the US version of 'The Office' to pair up its characters with Premier League managers - as one does - and the time has come to see how they fit into the world of Alan Partridge.
Roaring "Move! And fire! Move! and fire!" at a bewildered Joelinton on the training ground, Bruce is the very essence of Michael the Geordie handyman. If things turn sour at Newcastle United, expect him to pitch up at a petrol station kiosk near you.
So, crack open a shop-soiled Chocolate Orange, stick on the 'Black Beauty' theme music, and enjoy our rundown of every Premier League manager's Alan Partridge character alter ego:
A largely laid back character, the Brighton boss probably enjoys nothing more than a whistle-stop tour of an owl sanctuary followed by a £6 all-you-can-eat buffet supper at the local travel tavern. His views on the uses of chocolate mousse are unknown.
Beware the nice ones, as they say. By the end of Series One of 'I'm Alan Partridge', Alan's antics finally drove the previously unflappable receptionist to unleash a furious tirade of abuse. Expect to see Ole go the same way when Anthony Martial misses his 20th sitter of the season.
'Obsession' is the key word here. His bizarre interest in Nathan Redmond, for example, is eerily similar to Maxwell's pursuit of Partridge. Does the Man City coach take his post-match Cabernet Sauvignon in an Arielator? Almost certainly. That mysterious brother-in-law from Leeds he mentions? Marcelo Bielsa. Back of the net!
Drenched in Lynx Voodoo and clutching a hearty pint of Director's Bitter, it's easy to imagine the West Brom boss manning a thriving kitchen warehouse on the A416. Blanking reporters post-match as they desperately howl: "Sam! Sam! Sam!" across a car park fits pretty nicely too. In off the red!
The youngest, slickest manager in the Premier League, the Spurs interim bosses' favourite Beatles album 100% isn't 'The Best of the Beatles'. He has the tech skills to set up your hotel room TV with the desired channels as well, you'd think.
Much like Moyes at Everton, Clifton was cruising along nicely before crashing down in a truly Real Sociedadian fashion. And like Clifton at North Norfolk Digital, his first-namesake is living the high life again with West Ham United. Kiss my face - that's a lovely fit.
Sure, he's all smiles and jokes just now, but when things go sour, Tuchel turns. He most likely won't end up taking the entire Chelsea team hostage inside Stamford Bridge before hijacking the team bus, but Antonio Rudiger's trademark reckless tackles could push him close.
Ideally, we'd be pairing AP up with Nigel Adkins, but c'est la vie. Leicester's Brendan Rodgers is still a mighty fine fit: the ego; the talk of uniting rivals fans of Rangers and Celtic; the iconic "I see you Sterling!" snarl at a young Raheem at Liverpool; throwing Latin into press conferences. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you your Partridge.
A project equally as exasperating as building Alan's dream home, Hasenhuttl's Southampton reign has been a testing time to say the least. He'd also be well up for double-strawing a lovely bottle of Sunny Delight with opposition managers on the touchline.
The Crystal Palace boss is tailor-made to be Alan's downtrodden assistant. The legendary GIF of Hodgson, head burried in chest after Luiz Suarez's late winner for Uruguay against England in the 2014 World Cup is a mirror image of Lynn recoiling from a brutal Partridgian barb.
What does Mikel Arteta hate? Putting a consistent run of wins together, for one, but also VAR, which is apparently a key reason why Arsenal have been so diabolical this season. Technology has also blighted the early TV career of Sidekick Simon Denton, who still can't get to grips with touchscreen technology.
Michael's USA-obsessed friend enraged Alan with his constant references to Route 66 and John Wayne, and NES is arguably showing the same fanatical level of fondness for Portugal, with ten of their players now on the books at Wolves. He'd have no qualms taping over 'The Spy Who Loved Me' with 'Portugal's Strongest Man'.
Much like Lynn's friend from church, Heckingbottom has been placed in a pretty undesirable situation - having to fill in until the end of Sheffield United's doomed relegation season. At least he's not been forced to wear an elderly lady's cataract glasses and pretend to be U2's frontman. Yet.
There's something about the Dean Smith that just screams 'mischief', a bit like Alan's Ukrainian former girlfriend, who ruddy well loved a prank. The Aston Villa boss wouldn't think twice about planting a rubber fried egg in Jack Grealish's morning bap, before tactically deploying whoopee cushions throughout the training facilities.
TTWAP's doggedly contrary correspondent is a no-nonsense character who isn't afraid to get a little prickly. Leeds United's Bielsa would also absolutely hold it against you for years to come if you splashed shandy on him at the Pride of Britain awards.
A left field one here, but hear us out. Dogs are renowned for their loyalty, and Dyche has been faithful as they come with the Clarets, sticking with them through thick and thin since 2012. Burnley's chairman doesn't have to slide meat slices under the door to subdue a furious Sean all that often, though.
The director of Dante's Fires' attempts to get Alan to host his conference ended in disaster. Fulham's Scott Parker is facing a similar issue with his struggling squad, who are haplessly drifting towards relegation. Hopefully Alexander Mitrovic won't pierce his foot on a spike before the season ends. Parker's jacket is pure Partridge, mind!
You need some serious charisma and chutzpah to successfully co-host a prime-time chat show, and both the Liverpool manager and the TTWAP star boast these qualities in abundance. Also, when the mask slips, their fading smiles are absolutely terrifying.
Would Everton's Carlo Ancelotti give Alan a second series? No chance. An outrageously successful individual with no time for messing about, the three-time Champions League winner has impeccably high stands. Just don't and remove that TV aerial from the roof by yourself, Carlo...