Who are San Marino and just how bad are they?

They’re usually a very funny account to follow on X during games, but the San Marino national football team don’t generally make headlines for positive reasons. This morning, though, the world is waking up to videos of rapturous celebrations after they won their first ever competitive match. Yes, you read that right: San Marino had never won a competitive game before last night’s narrow victory over Liechtenstein. But how did they get to that point, and what makes them (usually) the worst team in the world?

San Marino itself is a tiny microstate within central Italy, a few miles inland of the eastern coastal city of Rimini. It has a land area of about 23.5 square miles - roughly the same size as the London borough of Bexley, about double the size of the town of Chesterfield in Derbyshire, and just under half the size of Crawley. 33,660 people live there - which is about the same as Dunstable or Accrington.

It’s not exactly a large catchment area for talent and that shows in their results. San Marino have been dead last in the Fifa rankings for most of their history - though currently they have technically moved off the bottom because Eritrea are below them after not playing a match in more than four years.

England fans will remember one of San Marino’s goals well after David Gaultieri netted against them in 1993 after a weak Stuart Pearce back pass just 8.3 seconds into their match - it remained the fastest goal in a Fifa World Cup qualifier until 2016. The speed of the strike was almost less remarkable than the goal itself being scored, though - it was only their third goal in their 19 official games since 1990.

Since their affiliation with Fifa in 1988, they have played 206 games, losing 196, drawing nine - and now, finally, winning one.

Technically La Serenissima had one victory to their name before last night, having beaten Liechtenstein 1-0 in a friendly in April 2004, but they had never won a competitive game. That was in spite of contesting qualifying matches for eight World Cups and nine European Championships, and more recently the 2022-23 Nations League campaign. They have recorded six losses by ten or more goals, the heaviest being 13-0 to Germany in 2006 and the most recent being 10-0 to England in 2022, and their most common scoreline in their official games has been a 3-0 loss (which they’ve suffered 27 times).

Not only is their defence usually about as effective as a sieve with no wire, but goals don’t come easy to them either. Their first qualifying campaign (for the 1992 Euros) saw them concede 33 goals and score only one (a penalty against Romania), and only 32 of all their games - about 15% - have seen them score a goal. It took two years and twelve matches for them to record a goal from open play, and they’ve only scored more than once in two games in their entire history.

It’s no wonder that last night’s win was met with such celebrations - and one man in particular could have his eye on a national record after only his fourth cap. Last night’s goalscorer Nicko Sensoli is only 19 years old and scored for his country for the first time last night; he’s already earned himself a place in San Marino’s history books by breaking a 20-year winless streak, but he doesn’t have to go far to become his country’s top scorer. The record is currently held by Andy Selva, who netted eight times in 73 appearances - including their only other winning goal in 2004. Sensoli has more than enough time to catch up; at 19 years old, he wasn’t even born when San Marino won their 2004 friendly.

You only have to look at social media to see what this result has meant to the Sammarinese.

Video of the team and fans’ celebrations at the full-time whistle shows the sort of jubilation you would normally expect after, say, a World Cup semi-final. This was a 1-0 win in the fourth tier of the Nations League.

But it meant so much more. One fan account has been tracking the team’s performance since 2019 and has frequently amused X users with their self-deprecating humour, as well as the odd dig at England.

That user’s reactions throughout the game last night were something to behold.

Whether this turns into a winning streak - who can say? San Marino face their next challenge against Moldova on Tuesday evening, who will undoubtedly be shaking in their boots as they prepare to host world football’s form side.