From detective to biochemist ... the huge football stars who have taken on the weirdest retirement jobs

Jobs - we all have them, and a lot of us don’t like them. (If any of my bosses are reading this, by the way, I actually do quite enjoy it here - please don’t fire me xoxo).

Over the years, we’ve probably all worked in roles that we would rather forget. I, for instance, used to be an usher in a theatre. One Christmas I saw that pantomime season’s run of Dick Whittington 17 times in a month. I still can’t look at John Barrowman or The Krankies without getting mild post-traumatic flashbacks.

But for many, the absolute dream job is being a professional footballer. There isn’t a fan on the planet who hasn’t yearned to step over that white line and get paid for the pleasure for doing so at some point in their lives or other. But what do footballers do when they hang up their boots?

This week, former Arsenal and Aston Villa midfielder Henri Lansbury announced that he would be retiring from the sport, and would instead be focusing his attentions on his lawn fertiliser business. Left field, but fair enough. And in honour of the 32-year-old’s move into the world of horticulture, here are eight other footballers who have embarked on some fairly unexpected professional ventures after calling time on their playing days...

Daniel Agger - Tattooist

Honestly, not the biggest surprise given that the towering Dane was covered head to toe in ink during his own playing, but since hanging up his boots, Agger has himself pursued a bit of a career in tattooing. Following a relatively early retirement, the ex-defender has been turned to the world of skin doodling and seems to be making a pretty decent go of it too.

In a slightly more surprising venture, he is also co-owner of a sewage management company in his home country. As you do.

Fabien Barthez - Race Driver

Ever the maverick, it makes sense that Barthez would opt for a post-football career that provides him with a suitable amount of adrenaline. The French stopper has swapped his goalkeeper gloves for driving ones, and by all accounts, he’s fairly decent too. The former Manchester United star is a French GT champion, and has competed in numerous Le Mans races.

Speaking to The Sun about his time behind the wheel, he said: “I have always been fascinated by motorsport, even when I was playing football. It always intrigued me. I wanted to understand what it felt like being in a car. I had to wait until the end of my pro career to try it. That said, it’s not like football: you can still be good even when you are 35, which was my age when I stopped playing.”

Arjan de Zeeuw - Detective

“Like football, it’s very much a team effort. You rarely ever solve a crime on your own,” former Wigan Athletic defender De Zeeuw told BBC Sport of his new career path in 2014. Presumably, that is where the similarities between the beautiful game and solving crimes for the Dutch police force end.

De Zeeuw qualified as an investigative detective after walking away from professional football in 2009, and specialises in forensics. Genuinely quite impressive.

Thomas Gravesen - Professional Poker Player

File this alongside Barthez in the ‘bald Premier League cult heroes who have gone on to do incredibly cool things in retirement’. Always a bit of a loose cannon, Gravesen moved to Las Vegas and made a boat load of money at various high-rolling tables in Sin City. At one point, he was even said to be neighbours with Andre Agassi and Nicolas Cage.

Now working as a TV pundit back in his native Denmark, don’t be surprised if the ex-Everton man is off on another mad adventure soon enough.

Mathieu Flamini - Biochemist

Flamini is on to a very, very good thing. After quitting football, the former Arsenal midfielder founded GF Biochemicals together with business partner Pasquale Granata - a company aimed at creating environmentally sustainable eco-fuels from plant waste known as Levulinic acid.

It’s a wonderful cause, but one that is made all the more sweet by the fact that start-up is now worth around £30 billion. You did not read figure that incorrectly.

Philippe Albert - Greengrocer

This is really quite nice, actually. After a life of the associated glitz and glamour that comes with professional football, ex-Newcastle United favourite Albert decided that he wanted something altogether calmer in retirement.

Speaking to The Guardian, he explained: “Up early, finishing late, that’s what I wanted: a normal life. I’m very proud of it. Otherwise, when you stop football, you do nothing. You have no life.”

Tim Wiese - Wrestler

And then at the other end of the spectrum we have Tim Wiese, who quite literally left football and signed for the WWE. The German accepted an invitation to train at the promotion’s developmental performance centre in 2014, and would make his in-ring at a live event in Munich a couple of years later. By 2017, however, he had parted ways with Vince McMahon’s sports entertainment juggernaut.

Hakan Sukur - Uber Driver/Book Salesman

The most prolific Turkey international of all time with 51 goals to his name in 112 caps, Sukur ended up fleeing his home country after a warrant was put out for his arrest, and he would eventually open a cafe in California.

Ultimately, however, that venture was short-lived, as the man himself explained in 2020: “I moved to the United States, initially running a cafe in California, but strange people kept coming into the bar. Now I drive for Uber and I sell books.”

On the topic of his arrest warrant, posted due to allegations of his involvement with the Fethullahist Terrorist Organisation (FETO) and a failed coup of Turkey’s government in 2016, he added: “Nobody seems able to explain what my role in this coup was supposed to be. I never did anything illegal; I am not a traitor or a terrorist. I have nothing left, [Turkish President Recep Tayyip] Erdogan took everything: my right to liberty, freedom of expression and right to work.”