Sophie Ellis-Bextor: singer reveals she lost virginity to rape aged 17 by 29-year-old-musician

The Murder on the Dancefloor singer kept the ordeal a secret for 25 years and said she still ‘bears the scars’

Sophie Ellis-Bextor has revealed she was raped at the age of 17 by a 29-year-old musician.

The Murder on the Dancefloor singer said she lost her virginity to the guitarist, despite telling him “no”.

What has the singer said?

Ms Ellis-Bextor has spoken out about the incident publicly for the first time, saying the ordeal left her feeling “stupid and ashamed”.

The 42-year-old said she is now ready for her voice to be heard as she spoke about the incident in her new autobiography Spinning Plates, which has been serialised in the Mail on Sunday.

She told the paper that she met the man after being invited to an after party following a gig she had attended when studying for her A levels.

She told the older man, who was a guitarist in a band, that she was studying history and he invited her back to his flat to “see his history books”.

Once back at his flat, she explained that the man took advantage of her, despite her telling him to stop.

Recalling the incident, she said: “[The man] and I started kissing and before I knew it we were on his bed and he took off my knickers.

“I heard myself saying ‘No’ and ‘I don’t want to’, but it didn’t make any difference.

“He didn’t listen to me and he had sex with me and I felt so ashamed.

“It was how I lost my virginity and I felt stupid.

“I remember staring at [his] bookcases and thinking: I just have to let this happen now.”

She added that she still “bears the scars” from her first experience with men and sex.

‘I wasn’t listened to’

Ms Ellis-Bextor, who is now happily married with husband Richard Jones, kept the incident a secret for 25 years and said she felt “complicit”.

She said she was left feeling confused by what happened because rape was talked about as something “associated with aggression” rather than consent when she was a teenager.

The singer felt that she would not have had a case against the man as she was not “pinned down or shouted at”.

She explained: “At the time, the way rape was talked about wasn’t to do with consent – it was something you associated with aggression.

“But no one had pinned me down or shouted at me to make me comply, so why should I feel so violated?”

Ms Ellis-Bextor said that as she got older “the more stark that 29-year-old man ignoring 17-year-old me has seemed” and hopes that by sharing her experience, it may help others who have been through something similar.

She went on to say that she does not want to “name and shame” the man responsible, but instead wanted to share her story to help other women.

The musician, who is a mother of five sons, said she will ensure her boys are taught about consent.

She added: “I want to raise considerate, kind people who can take other people’s feelings into account.

“I want them to actively want the other person to be happy, too, rather than just stopping because they have to.”

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