Hannah Neeleman has sparked tradwife argument again - but we need to stop judging other people's relationships

She first came to public attention earlier this year when she competed in the Mrs. World pageant just 12 days after giving birth to her youngest child, and now her name has become even more well know thanks to a now viral interview she gave to The Times, in which she was called ‘the queen of trad wives’. This is despite Neeleman distancing herself from the term tradwife during the interview. When asked what she thought of the term, she said: “I don’t necessarily identify with it because we are traditional in the sense that it’s a man and a woman, we have children, but I do feel like we’re paving a lot of paths that haven’t been paved before. So for me to have the label of a traditional woman, I’m kinda like, ‘I don’t know if I identify with that’.”

The article also detailed how, at the age of 17, she won a place at prestigious New York Dance school Juilliard. She then met her now husband, and married him three months after their first date. They went on to start a family shortly afterwards, and she even made history as first undergraduate to be pregnant while studying at Juilliard. But, she gave up her career as a ballerina to focus on being a mum. Hannah and Daniel are now parents to sons Henry, 12; Charles, 10; and George, nine, as well as daughters Frances, seven; Lois, five; Martha, three; Mabel, two; and Flora, one. She told The Times: “I was a good ballerina. But I knew that when I started to have kids my life would start to look different.”

Hannah, of course, isn’t the only woman who has found herself having to put her career on the backseat once they have children and she certainly won’t be the last. But if she’s happy with her choice, as she appears to be, than leave her be. She could have found a way to juggle being a ballerina with being a mum if she wanted to - many women have both a career and children now - but maybe she didn’t want that. In my opinion, she’s lucky to have had the option as so many women don’t.

She also isn’t the only woman who has supposedly adopted a tradwife lifestyle. The hashtag #TradWife has been going viral on TikTok since last year, with millions of videos been created and viewed on the subject.

The term tradwife is short for traditional wife, and is typically linked to a time in the 1950s when women had defined roles within the home, looking after the house, their husband, and the children, while men went out to work and earned money.

We may be sixty years or so down the line, but this approach to relationships still works for some men and women. I think that’s a perfectly fine option, as long as both parties are happy with the life they are living.

There are concerns raised around the tradwife trend that women are putting men’s needs above their own and losing their financial independence, and I do see where those concerns are coming from. I do think that every person - no matter their gender - should be able to stand on their own two feet without having to rely on anybody else, particularly in a financial sense, as they’re leaving themselves in a vulnerable situation if not.

This isn’t the case for Hannah, however, and she’s hit back at the negative comments written in response to the article about her from people who say that she “deserves better” and have, effectively, insinuated that she comes in second to her husband.

Speaking about her and Daniel’s relationship, she stated: “Together, we have built a business from scratch. We've brought eight children into this world and have prioritised our marriage all along the way. We are co-parents, co-CEOs, co-diaper changers, kitchen cleaners and decision makers.”

What’s wrong with that? Nothing, in my opinion. If she can run a business and still cook food from scratch then good for her. Maybe she finds cooking relaxing and that’s how she detaches from work. By the sounds of it her husband pulls his weight in the home too so I don’t understand why people have been so outraged by their relationship.

No matter what choices we make; as men and women, husbands and wives, mums and dads, we need to stop judging each other. Nobody knows the exact intricacies of other people’s relationships and families. Even in Hannah’s case, people are only seeing a small snippet of her world based on social media posts and one interview. And we all need to remember that we only ever know about people what they want us to know, even our closest friends and family, let alone an influencer on the internet we don’t know at all.

There are also many relationships where women happily adopt some more traditional roles within their relationships, but that isn’t a bad thing. I wouldn’t call myself a tradwife by any stretch, but I’m perfectly happy to make tea for my other half. It’s got nothing to do with our genders and everything to do with our circumstances.

I work from home and finish at 5pm, whereas he has to commute to and from work and sometimes doesn’t arrive home till 7pm. I don’t mind at all making food for us both so it is ready when he arrives home. I spent years cooking for myself when I was single, so now the only difference is that I’m making an extra portion.

I don’t sit and wait for him to come home, either so he can cook or we can make tea together, on a gender-based principle. He doesn’t expect me to cook though, he’s always very grateful when I do and he’s equally happy to cook for me when he can. It makes me happy to do a little everyday task to show my love for him anyway - but he returns it.

We don’t have children so we’ve only got each other to consider. I’m aware from friends who have started families that it changes the dynamics of the household once the babies start being born. But, no matter what, we’re all just trying our hardest so we should give each other a break.

If you’re a stay at home mum, brilliant. If you’re a mum who goes out to work, brilliant. If you’re a mum who’s found a balance of family and work life that works for you, brilliant. If you went back to work 12 days or 12 months after having a baby then congratulations. And, for every mum who’s made one of those choices, there’s also a dad who’s done the same thing. They’re all brilliant too.

If you’re a woman who enjoys doing most, or all, of the cooking in your house, brilliant. If you’re a woman who would rather someone else do the cooking - be that your male partner or supermarket chefs - then that’s brilliant too. If you’re a female breadwinner then well done you. If your beau brings in the money but you run the household then well done you as keeping on top of chores is a never ending job with no clock in and clock out time. If you both work and split the housework between you the best you can then well done to both of you.

The fact is, we’re all just trying to be happy and live the best lives that we can. That means slightly different things to each and every one of us - and it’s actually amazing that what an ideal life looks like is unique to all of us. So, we really should stop applying broad labels to each other, leave each other in peace and focus on our own joy - whatever that looks like.