“Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at the King Power Stadium. Properly policed. It must not, I repeat not, turn into an all-night rave.”
Attender of international boat shows, voracious consumer of boiled egg baguettes, wearer of tan string-back driving gloves: Alan Gordon Partridge is back on the BBC, after landing a second series of 'This Time With Alan Partridge'.
Over the years, we've seen Alan evolve (rather than revolve) quite magnificently, as Steve Coogan's genius creation continues to be expertly honed via TV shows, books, podcasts, and even a film.
Now, we've previously delved into the US version of 'The Office' to pair up its characters with Premier League managers - as one does - and the time has come to see how they fit into the world of Alan Partridge.
So, crack open a shop-soiled Chocolate Orange, stick on the 'Black Beauty' theme music, and enjoy our rundown of every Premier League manager's Alan Partridge character alter ego:
1. Steve Bruce - Michael
Roaring "Move! And fire! Move! and fire!" at a bewildered Joelinton on the training ground, Bruce is the very essence of Michael the Geordie handyman. If things turn sour at Newcastle United, expect him to pitch up at a petrol station kiosk near you. Photo: Ian MacNicol
2. Graham Potter - Jill
A largely laid back character, the Brighton boss probably enjoys nothing more than a whistle-stop tour of an owl sanctuary followed by a £6 all-you-can-eat buffet supper at the local travel tavern. His views on the uses of chocolate mousse are unknown. Photo: JUSTIN TALLIS
3. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer - Susan from reception
Beware the nice ones, as they say. By the end of Series One of 'I'm Alan Partridge', Alan's antics finally drove the previously unflappable receptionist to unleash a furious tirade of abuse. Expect to see Ole go the same way when Anthony Martial misses his 20th sitter of the season. Photo: PETER POWELL
4. Pep Guardiola - Jed Maxwell
'Obsession' is the key word here. His bizarre interest in Nathan Redmond, for example, is eerily similar to Maxwell's pursuit of Partridge. Does the Man City coach take his post-match Cabernet Sauvignon in an Arielator? Almost certainly. That mysterious brother-in-law from Leeds he mentions? Marcelo Bielsa. Back of the net! Photo: Pool