Is love at first sight real? The science behind instant attraction which celebs like David Beckham say they feel

Watch more of our videos on ShotsTV.com 
and on Freeview 262 or Freely 565
Visit Shots! now
As David Beckham recalls the moment he fell for wife Victoria, relationship expert and dating agency co-founder Alex Mellor-Brook discusses if it is actually possible to fall in love at first sight.

Love at first sight - it’s the basis of so many rom-coms, books and songs. Many celebrities say they knew their partner was the one the moment they saw them, including David Beckham, Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey. But does true love really exist? Or are we caught in a whirlwind of attraction and emotional excitement? That’s the question Alex Mellor-Brook, Co-founder at elite dating agency Select Personal Introductions, Internationally Certified Matchmaker, Dating Expert and Science-Based Relationship Coach has answered for NationalWorld this week. He’ll be talking through what science says about this powerful, and often overwhelming, phenomenon. This is part of a series of features where Mellor-Brook will discuss love and relationships. If you have any questions you’d like him to answer in future weeks, please email [email protected].

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

The initial spark

Don't be mistaken; love at first sight is more about instant attraction than a deep, binding love that grows over time, says Mellor-Brook.

Dr Terri Orbuch (PhD), a professor at Oakland University and research professor at the University of Michigan, has led a study funded by the National Institute of Health (NIH) on the same 373 couples since 1986.

Her research shows that physical attraction, idealisation, and emotional excitement are key factors in initial contact. In other words, love at first sight is a spark, an intense connection, but not the same style of love that might exist later in the relationship. Real love requires emotional intimacy, dependence, and commitment, which come only with shared experiences and a deeper understanding of each other.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

The feeling of butterflies in your tummy, the racing heart, and the yearning to be with someone again which we associate with love at first sight are brought about by the cocktail of chemicals flooding the brain.

Internationally certified matchmaker and relationship coach Alex Mellor-Brook.Internationally certified matchmaker and relationship coach Alex Mellor-Brook.
Internationally certified matchmaker and relationship coach Alex Mellor-Brook. | Alex Mellor-Brook

The science

So, is that initial rush of attraction real? Absolutely, assures Mellor-Brook. Neuroscientists have shown that love, especially in its early stages, takes a primitive path through the brain. Releasing dopamine, the same chemical that drives us to seek out food and water, also plays a crucial role in identifying romantic love.

Falling in love often feels euphoric and almost addictive, much like a drug. This is because the brain releases a mix of dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine, the neurotransmitters linked to motivation, pleasure, and arousal. This powerful chemical surge is what many interpret as love at first sight.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

When you meet someone new, your brain takes note of positive signals like their smile, engaging expression, or friendly tone. When these signals are combined with physical touch or emotional connection, the brain releases oxytocin, commonly known as the cuddle hormone, strengthening trust and deepening the bond.

As the relationship progresses, initial infatuation gives way to the building stage, where a more stable and lasting connection begins to form.

David Beckham says he fell in love with his wife of 25 years Victoria at first sight. Photo by Getty Images.David Beckham says he fell in love with his wife of 25 years Victoria at first sight. Photo by Getty Images.
David Beckham says he fell in love with his wife of 25 years Victoria at first sight. Photo by Getty Images. | AFP via Getty Images

The three stages of love

Dr Helen Fisher, a renowned anthropologist and senior research fellow at The Kinsey Institute, extensively studied the biology of love using MRI technology. Her research identified that romantic love can be divided into three distinct stages; lust, attraction, and attachment. Each phase plays an important role in the development of deep emotional bonds.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

Lust: the lust phase is driven by testosterone and oestrogen. This initial stage is a person's immediate attraction toward another, typically based on physical appearance and a chemically driven connection.

Attraction: this is the stage in which dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine produce an addictive high, which we refer to as the feeling of being "madly in love." It's the phase where we spend much of our time thinking about our crush, feeling anxious yet euphoric around them.

Attachment: as the relationship builds, oxytocin kicks in during the attachment phase, binding a couple together for the long haul and helping them connect on a deeper emotional level.

Hide Ad
Hide Ad

The true nature of love

So, love at first sight is real, says Mellor-Brook, in the sense that it represents an intense and immediate attraction driven by powerful chemical reactions in the brain.

This initial spark is only the beginning, however. Other factors like personal experiences, biological influences, and emotional readiness also play crucial roles in determining who we are drawn to and how relationships develop.

While the rush of attraction may feel like love, true love takes time. Deep emotional connection, trust, and shared experiences are needed to grow into something more long-lasting and significant.

Comment Guidelines

National World encourages reader discussion on our stories. User feedback, insights and back-and-forth exchanges add a rich layer of context to reporting. Please review our Community Guidelines before commenting.