Tradwife TikTok trend: what does tradwife stand for, what do tradwives do and are they being submissive?

One tradwife said women are taking certain parts of a 1950s way of living and applying it to modern society
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In 2023, the ideal relationship looks different depending on who you are - some people like to document their love on social media or reality TV, and some people have romantic relationships with more than one person at once, for example. But, according to social media site TikTok, there’s a growing number of women in the UK and US who are choosing to adopt a particular type of relationship which dates back over six decades and sees them look after their home, husband and children while their other half goes out to bring home the bacon.

In fact, videos with the hashtag #TradWife has racked up 129 million views on the social networking site at the time of writing, with hundreds of women explaining their lifestyle choices. But, some experts have raised concerns with the movement - saying that it promotes learned gender stereotypes which could be harmful to women and is even anti-feminist. So, what exactly is a tradwife, what do they do and are they being submissive to men? Here’s what you need to know, including what the tradwives themselves have to say and also what experts think of the way of life.

What is a tradwife?

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The term tradwife is said to be short for a traditional housewife. This has links to the 1950s, a time when men and women had defined gender roles and women were homemakers while men went out and earned a salary. A woman’s role was generally to look after the household and the family. As a result, she tended not to work in order to cook and clean and do everything needed to look after them, be that ironing work shirts or taking care of bathtime. Over 60 years later, the positions of men and women, as well as parents have much less definition - and the responsibilities of looking after a house and children are thought to be shared more equally. But, in some relationships a woman may still prefer to adopt this homemaker role instead. She is a tradwife.

A tradwife trend is happening on TikTok. Pictured are two women who call themselves tradwives. Top is Alena Kate Pettitt during an interview on ITV’s This Morning (credit: ITV/This Morning) and bottom is Estee Williams (credit: TikTok/Estee Williams).A tradwife trend is happening on TikTok. Pictured are two women who call themselves tradwives. Top is Alena Kate Pettitt during an interview on ITV’s This Morning (credit: ITV/This Morning) and bottom is Estee Williams (credit: TikTok/Estee Williams).
A tradwife trend is happening on TikTok. Pictured are two women who call themselves tradwives. Top is Alena Kate Pettitt during an interview on ITV’s This Morning (credit: ITV/This Morning) and bottom is Estee Williams (credit: TikTok/Estee Williams).

What do tradwives do?

As previously mentioned, tradwives take sole responsibility for looking after the home, their husband and children. One TikTok user who promotes this way of living throughout her channel is Estee Williams. She points out in one of her videos that a tradwife chooses her way of life and believes that a woman’s place is in the home. She added that the lifestyle choice is not pushed upon them and they are “not trying to take away what women fought for”. This is criticism which is sometimes levelled at tradwives as people may feel that women have previously worked hard to gain equality and change gender stereotypes which come from the ideology that women should be stay-at-home wives and mums because this is what they have historically been. However, by willingly adopting that role, tradwives are going against this. It has even been viewed as anti-feminist. Williams said “no tradwife TikTokers are saying every woman’s place is in their home. We, as individuals, are just choosing to be homemakers”.

In another video, explaining the things that she believes makes her marriage successful, Williams said: “My husband does not have to lift a finger when he is at home. He’s the breadwinner and he goes out as the provider. He works long hours and he does a very physical job. He does not need to come home and help me cook and clean up. But there are times when he just wants to help me every now and then, and that is welcomed, but he absolutely does not have to. A homemaker should have the house ready for when her husband gets home. It should be clean and tidy and there should be a meal on the table for him when he gets home. It should be a really welcoming environment.”

She also explains that although the money earned is viewed as joint money within the relationship, her husband makes all the final decisions about how that money is spent. In addition, she cooks the food that he wants to eat - although she did say that if she would prefer to eat something different then she will make an alternative meal for herself.

Tradwives are known for taking on traditional gender roles and taking care of their husbands and children - including cooking all the meals - like women did in the 1950s.Tradwives are known for taking on traditional gender roles and taking care of their husbands and children - including cooking all the meals - like women did in the 1950s.
Tradwives are known for taking on traditional gender roles and taking care of their husbands and children - including cooking all the meals - like women did in the 1950s.
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Another woman who calls herself a tradwife is Alena Kate Pettitt, who runs the Darling Academy and “celebrates the role of the housewife, traditional family dynamics, great homemaking, and shares the beauty of what makes ‘being at home’ truly worthwhile”, according to the website. In a 2020 interview with Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield on ITV talk show This Morning, Pettitt explained that she believes she is a feminist because feminism is about choices - and it was her choice to be at home because this is where she felt she truly “flourished”.

In a nod to the era that it comes from, women will often also dress in ways that were perceived to be proper and feminine for females in the 1950s - think dresses, petticoats, pin curls and high heels. Williams explains this in her aforementioned video by saying “I always make sure I am put together. This is a really big thing. I think that waking up in the morning and just staying in pyjamas all day is not the way to go. Put some make-up on, put a cute outfit on, do your hair . . . trust me, he does notice”.

Pettitt also said in This Morning interview that the 1950s was the “last time the housewife was celebrated”. She did, however, add: “it’s not to do with the ideals of the 50s because there’s so much of that that was wrong. It’s almost just cherry-picking certain parts that we really identify with and applying it to a modern lifestyle”.

Are tradwives being submissive and could the trend be harmful?

Some people believe that tradwives are being submissive to their husbands, and this could be problematic because they are putting the needs of a man above their own needs. But, the trad wives themselves insist that this is not an issue.

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In one TikTok video, Williams explains that “tradwives believe they should submit to their husbands and serve their husbands and family. That triggers people because of the words “submit and serve. It makes women think that we’re saying that we’re less than a man. That’s not what we’re saying. Tradwives just believe that they are here, as women, for a different role - but it’s equally important.”

Some people believe that tradwives are being submissive to their husbands, and this could be problematic because they are putting the needs of a man above their own needs. But, the tradwives themselves insist that this is not an issue.

In one TikTok video, Williams explains that “tradwives believe they should submit to their husbands and serve their husbands and family. That triggers people because of the words “submit and serve. It makes women think that we’re saying that we’re less than a man. That’s not what we’re saying. Tradwives just believe that they are here, as women, for a different role - but it’s equally important.”

Natasha Mahtani, a Relationship and Divorce Coach said, however, she believes the tradwife movement could be problematic. She said: “With tradwives, there’s a belief that women are inherent caregivers and homemakers and this couldn’t be further from the truth. These are very much taught beliefs which worked in the 1950s, when the ‘nuclear family’ - that is a family made up of a mum, dad and their children - was the ideal, but according to research done in the field of neuroscience, there aren’t differences in gender that would make women better at ‘homemaking’. That’s very much a learned gender stereotype.”

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What Mahtani is referring to here is the work of neurobiologist Gina Rippon, who found in 2019 that there is a “lack of any consistent evidence that the brains of women and men, of girls and boys, are, in fact, different.”

Natasha Mahtani, a Relationship and Divorce Coach. Photo by Mary Sullivan.Natasha Mahtani, a Relationship and Divorce Coach. Photo by Mary Sullivan.
Natasha Mahtani, a Relationship and Divorce Coach. Photo by Mary Sullivan.

Mahtani added: “My main concern with the tradwife movement is that women lose any sense of financial independence they have. Finance is one of the main reasons women are unable to leave toxic or abusive relationships. Being ‘taken care of’ may seem appealing to some women but it leaves them powerless in their relationship if a man decides to pull the rug from under their feet. Tradwives may be a TikTok phenomenon now but it exists in many parts of the world and always has, and from what I experience in my relationship coaching space, this is not working to the benefit of most of these women.”

Virginia Mendez, a feminist author who wrote the book Childhood Unlimited: Parenting Beyond the Gender Bias, believes the tradwife trend is misleading and dangerous. “What I find most disturbing about this trend is the framing of it as a free choice and a return to a better past, when both statements are not factually true. The tradwives trend is based on the understanding that women are naturally equipped to dedicate their life to caring and giving to others.

Virginia Mendez, a feminist author and speaker on topics related with gender stereotypes. Photo by Jonathan Ryder Photography.Virginia Mendez, a feminist author and speaker on topics related with gender stereotypes. Photo by Jonathan Ryder Photography.
Virginia Mendez, a feminist author and speaker on topics related with gender stereotypes. Photo by Jonathan Ryder Photography.

“The other problem is the romanticisation of the 50s, which they are claiming they want to get back to. But they seem to ignore the fact that it was a period in which those tradwives suffered ridiculously high levels of anxiety and depression. Betty Friedman wrote in her 1963 book The Feminine Mystique, which is said to be a founding piece of work of modern feminism, about ‘the problem that has no name’. She was referring to the guilt, depression and sense of hopelessness that housewives had.”

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Mendez added that she thinks it is “perfectly okay” for women to choose to stay at home, but this should not be romanticised as an ideal family set up. She said: “This shiny and incorrect idea spreading on social media, that women were better off when they were submissive, adds fuel to those that are already feeling uncomfortable with the progress of women in society and hundreds of years of feminist fight. Tradwives are not an issue as an individual choice, but as a trend it is pernicious and openly anti feminist.”

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