Mean Girls step aside - 2024 is all about mean moms - just ask my kids

While hype continues to build for the musical remake of Mean Girls, as someone in their early 20s the first time around, I may have considered my future might hold at least the occasional opportunity to utter the immortal line - “I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom”. Turns out I’m less ‘cool mom’ and more ‘mean mom’ - just ask my kids.

Back in 2004, sporting low slung jeans and barely-there eyebrows, few would have predicted what parenthood in the 2020s would look like. With more information at our fingertips than ever before, and social media infiltrating almost every facet of life, it can feel like a mothering minefield.

But by embodying the wise words of Maya Angelou - “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” - I have set about on a one-woman mission to… annoy my children.

The ever-growing list of reasons I’m not cool, according to my little darlings, includes, but is not limited to, offering only water to drink, not letting them have iPads, urging them to ‘use their brains’ instead of sitting in front of the TV, and buying them clothes that are ‘comfortable’ or ‘appropriate’ but perhaps not so stylish.

The latest ‘health hack’ I’ve stumbled across is that plant protein can help reduce the risk of cancer and heart disease in women - and tofu is a super source of plant protein. Ahhh, I can just hear it now, as I dish up lovingly prepared tofu dishes, the dulcet tones of two irritated youngsters whining - “Why can’t we have pizza tonight mum - you are such a meany!”

Just writing this has made me realise quite how uncool having children can make a person. In fact, it’s only a matter of time before my offspring announce to me at the dinner table - "You can't sit with us!”

But that’s fine, I’ll just have to leave being ‘fetch’ to the young people and continue to embrace my new ‘mean mom’ status. I’m sure the children will thank me for it one day, sipping their water and enjoying a slap-up tofu dinner. And if that doesn't happen, well, there’s always wine (which has heart benefits in moderation, apparently).