Can a relationship survive cheating? Relationship expert answers one of the most common questions he's asked
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That’s the question Alex Mellor-Brook, Co-founder at elite dating agency Select Personal Introductions, Internationally Certified Matchmaker, Dating Expert and Science-Based Relationship Coach has answered for NationalWorld this week.
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Hide AdMAFS UK 2024 bride Hannah Norburn will allegedly cheat on her husband Stephen Nolson with another groom, Orson Nurse, on the popular E4 dating show. 33-year-old Norburn has an affair with co-star Nurse, age 41, leading their respective spouses, 33-year-old Nolson and 48-year-old Richelle Cade. Meanwhile, self-made billionaire Martha Stewart has revealed that she had an affair during her 29 year marriage to Andy Stewart in her new Netflix documentary Martha.
Mellor-Brook tells NationalWorld that ‘can a relationship survive cheating?’ is one of the most common and complicated questions he’s asked as a relationship coach. Keep reading as he unpicks the answer, and gives invaluable advice to those who are currently going through this dating dilemma. This is part of a series of features where Mellor-Brook will discuss love and relationships. If you have any questions you’d like him to answer in future weeks, please email [email protected].
Can a relationship survive cheating?
The truth is there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, says Mellor-Brook. Infidelity hits at the core of trust, and to determine if a relationship can recover, it’s important to consider two key factors: what led to the cheating and whether both partners are genuinely committed to rebuilding what’s broken.
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Understanding the root cause of infidelity is essential to answering this question. Cheating rarely happens in isolation, Mellor-Brook explains, it’s usually a symptom of deeper issues within the relationship. Maybe there were unmet emotional needs, unresolved conflicts, or a sense of excitement that faded over time. Exploring these reasons helps couples gain clarity on whether those issues can be resolved or if they’re too deeply rooted to move forward.
Take the breakdown of Stephen Nolson and Hannah Norburn’s relationship in Married at First Sight - when trust collapsed between them, the core issue wasn’t just Hannah’s new relationship with another co-star; it was the breach of trust when she threatened to reveal something personal Stephen had shared, he says. This highlights how trust, once broken, can lead to the collapse of a relationship, regardless of whether infidelity is physical or emotional.
10 common causes of infidelity
There are many reasons why someone might stray in a relationship. The most common, according to Mellor-Brook, include:
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Hide Ad1. Emotional Disconnection: A partner feels neglected or emotionally unfulfilled.
2. Desire for Novelty: Boredom or a need for new experiences.
3. Revenge: Infidelity as a form of retaliation.
4. Low Self-Esteem: Seeking validation outside the relationship.
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Hide Ad5. Opportunistic Circumstances: Cheating that occurs unexpectedly, in the moment.
6. Lack of Commitment: One partner doesn’t view the relationship as fully exclusive.
7. Unresolved Relationship Issues: Long-standing conflicts drive one partner to seek solace elsewhere.
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Hide Ad8. Sexual Dissatisfaction: Physical intimacy issues may push a partner to cheat.
9. The Thrill of Risk: Some enjoy the excitement of breaking boundaries.
10. Personal Struggles: Unhealed emotional wounds or fear of commitment can lead to self-sabotage.
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Infidelity comes in many forms beyond the physical, states Mellor-Brook. Emotional cheating, financial infidelity, micro-cheating, like flirting or secret messaging, and even creating dating app profiles during a relationship, can erode trust. Each of these behaviours violates the core principles of honesty and exclusivity in different ways, contributing to relationship breakdown.
Do both partners want to rebuild after cheating?
This is the crucial question, according to Mellor-Brook. Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is possible, but it requires time, patience, and a genuine commitment from both partners. If one person isn’t fully invested in the process, it’s unlikely the relationship will survive in a healthy way.
How can I move forward after cheating?
Once the underlying causes of infidelity are understood, and both partners are willing to work on the relationship, the focus shifts to rebuilding trust. This process demands transparency, open communication, and clear boundaries, says Mellor-Brook. Seeking help from a coach or counsellor can provide the necessary structure and accountability to move forward.
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Hide AdImportantly, it’s essential to recognise that the relationship will never be the same as it was before. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing - it can evolve into something stronger and more resilient. Accepting this is part of the healing process and is key to creating a new, healthy dynamic moving forward. Ultimately, infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end of a relationship but the beginning of a new chapter that requires hard work, trust, and mutual commitment.
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