Christmas Number One: LadBaby are "anti-art", I'm glad they won't release a track

Like a sausage roll left out after a Yuletide party, the social media duo’s Christmas track had become stale. For the first year I could (if I squinted and tilted my head) see why people found it funny - even if it is the kind of humour that I find to be milquetoast at best. 

But to keep it up for five years in a row, three of which came during a pandemic no less, is the musical equivalent of being pushed into an iron maiden. And look, I know it was all for a good cause and money has been raised, yet that is no excuse for being forced to endure the most miserable “banter” year after year.

Call me pretentious, call me a snob, call me a miserable “see you next Tuesday”, call me whatever you want - but it is true. I refuse to believe that after five years anyone actually listens to the songs, willingly queuing them up when they want to get into the festive spirit. 

I know this is sacrilegious for the flock of the church of LadBaby but just because you are doing something for charity doesn’t excuse you for churning out shoddy works of anti-art year after year. Substituting the word sausage roll into successful tracks is the parody equivalent of drawing a moustache onto the Mona Lisa - sure it seems like a funny idea, but it is incredibly droll. 

And look I remember the big campaign to get Rage Against the Machine to number one and stop X-Factor’s iron grip, it was fun to feel like a part of something. But that would have become increasingly cringeworthy if it had been repeated year after year ad nauseum. 

LadBaby have had their time in the winter sun, money has been raised for good causes, it was the right time for them to ride into the sunset. Hopefully this year an actual Christmas song will top the charts.