Is he ghosting me? Why cruel dating trend is more common than ever - and even celebrities are victims

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Cruel dating trend ghosting is on the rise, and it’s so common even celebrities have experienced it - so what is it, why do people do it, and what should you do if it happens to you?

Ghosting isn’t just someone running down the street in a bedsheet at Halloween - it’s a real dating issue that online daters are facing regularly. It’s so common even some of our favourite famous faces, including singing superstar Taylor Swift, have been victims of it.

But, what exactly is ghosting? Why do people do it, and how can you handle it if you’re a victim? Those are the question Alex Mellor-Brook, Co-founder at elite dating agency Select Personal Introductions, Internationally Certified Matchmaker, Dating Expert and Science-Based Relationship Coach has answered for NationalWorld this week.

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This is part of a series of features where Mellor-Brook will discuss love and relationships. If you have any questions you’d like him to answer in future weeks, please email [email protected].

What is ghosting?

Ghosting is when someone abruptly cuts off all communication without any explanation.

It has become an unfortunate hallmark of modern dating, according to Mellor-Brook. It often starts with “soft ghosting”, he says, where they progressively minimise contact over a period of time. In a world where dating apps and social media offer endless opportunities to meet new people, ghosting is more common than ever. It leaves people hurt and confused when someone they’ve been dating disappears without a trace.

Why do people ghost?

Ghosting often stems from a desire to avoid uncomfortable or difficult conversations, states Mellor-Brook. In many cases people who ghost aren’t trying to hurt you, they’re simply trying to escape the emotional discomfort of explaining why they’re no longer interested.

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Research by Park and Klein, published in 2024, even found that some ghosters believe they are sparing the other person’s feelings by not initiating a direct confrontation. That might explain why a 2023 UK survey showed that an incredible 80% of people dating online had been ghosted.

Cruel dating trend ghosting is more common than ever in 2024 - relationship expert Alex Mellor-Brook explains why, the signs to look out for, and how to deal with it if it happens to you. Stock image by Abode Photos.Cruel dating trend ghosting is more common than ever in 2024 - relationship expert Alex Mellor-Brook explains why, the signs to look out for, and how to deal with it if it happens to you. Stock image by Abode Photos.
Cruel dating trend ghosting is more common than ever in 2024 - relationship expert Alex Mellor-Brook explains why, the signs to look out for, and how to deal with it if it happens to you. Stock image by Abode Photos. | motortion - stock.adobe.com

5 common reasons people ghost

1. Avoiding Confrontation

Many ghosters find it uncomfortable to end a relationship directly. They vanish to avoid a potentially emotional conversation instead of confronting the situation.

2. Lack of interest

Ghosting often happens when someone loses interest but doesn’t know how to express it or wants to avoid an awkward explanation.

3. Feeling overwhelmed

Some people may ghost if they feel emotionally overwhelmed or pressured, especially if one person moves faster in the relationship than the other is ready for.

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4. Insecurity or low self-esteem

Insecure individuals may ghost because they fear rejection or don’t feel confident enough to express their feelings honestly.

5. Life changes

New jobs, stress, or family issues can lead someone to deprioritise relationships, causing them to disappear without warning.

Celebrities who’ve been ghosted

Even big names have been ghosted. It’s speculated that Taylor Swift hinted in the song “The Smallest Boy Who Ever Lived” that her ex Matty Healy supposedly ghosted her. Rapper Drake experienced a dose of his own medicine when he revealed that he was ghosted by a woman, who many believe to be Rihanna.

Plus, Billie Eilish admitted in an interview that she was ghosted by someone she had known for a while, initially as a friend, and has never spoken with since. Actress Lily Collins has also previously admitted she’s been ghosted ‘more times than she cares to admit’ after dates she thought went well. Even for the rich and famous, the sting of ghosting is all too real.

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Internationally certified matchmaker and relationship coach Alex Mellor-Brook.Internationally certified matchmaker and relationship coach Alex Mellor-Brook.
Internationally certified matchmaker and relationship coach Alex Mellor-Brook. | Alex Mellor-Brook

7 early warning signs of ghosting: what to watch out for

Ghosting often doesn't come out of nowhere. Mellor-Brook believes there are seven subtle signs that someone might be pulling away. Here are some red flags that could indicate you're on the verge of being ghosted:

1. Frequent cancellations

They often bail out on plans, making excuses to avoid spending time together.

2. Commitment issues

They hesitate to make firm plans or future commitments.

3. Guarded about personal life

They're reluctant to share personal details or let you into their world.

4. No introduction to friends or family

They avoid introducing you to the important people in their life.

5. Social media disappearance

They suddenly go quiet or vanish from social platforms.

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6. Minimal communication

Your texts and calls are met with short, infrequent replies.

7. Shallow conversations

Your talks lack depth, and they seem distant or disinterested when you connect.

How to handle being ghosted

Being ghosted can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and even embarrassed. It’s natural to wonder what went wrong, says Mellor-Brook, but it’s important to remember that ghosting reflects more about the person’s own unresolved issues than it does about you. Here’s how to handle it:

Recognise that no response is a response

While you might desire closure, the lack of response tells you that the person can’t provide the respect or clarity you deserve. Acknowledge the silence as a reflection of their emotional unavailability. Focus on moving forward, knowing that someone capable of open and respectful communication will be a far better fit for you in the long run.

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Reframe the situation

Often, the person who ghosts is dealing with their own unresolved issues. Rather than internalising their actions, recognise that this behaviour speaks more about their inability to navigate relationships than anything you’ve done. Shift your focus from self-doubt to accepting that they weren’t ready for the connection you were seeking and move forward with confidence.

Focus on self-care

After being ghosted, it’s important to prioritise your well-being. Lean into activities you love, spend time with friends, and take care of your emotional health.

Build emotional resilience

Though it hurts, being ghosted can also be an opportunity to grow emotionally. Use this experience to strengthen your resilience and prepare for healthier relationships in the future.

Moving Forward

Being ghosted is never easy, whether you’re a celebrity or not. But remember, you deserve someone who values open communication and treats you with respect. Ghosting might feel like rejection, but it’s a sign that the other person wasn’t ready or capable of handling a relationship with maturity. As painful as it is, their silence can save you from deeper heartache down the line.

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By focusing on your own emotional health, building a solid support system, and setting boundaries, you can move forward stronger, wiser, and ready for relationships that honour open and honest communication.

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