Woman suffers double tragedy as mum takes own life and dad dies from 'heartbreak' just over a year later

Katie Irvine, 28, says her "bubbly mum", Teresa, 50, was hiding a secret mental health battle - which left her "blindsided" when she ended her own life.

Katie described her mother as "bubbly" on the outside but said Teresa had been secretly battling mental health issues for years. Diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 44 and depression in her early twenties, Teresa kept her struggles hidden under a cheerful facade.

Katie had always feared something bad might happen and said she instantly knew the reason when police arrived at her work on March 15, 2019, to deliver the heartbreaking news of her mother's death. But her grief was compounded when she lost her dad, Gary Irvine, 54 - who had suffered from alcohol addiction - just a year and five months later partially due to "the heartbreak and relief."

Katie, a sixth form support officer, from Sutton, Surrey, said: "My mum wanted to protect me from her diagnoses - right up until six months before her death. She was very happy - but it was very much outside of the home. "Behind closed doors, she was a very, very different person. Her emotional reactions were quite extreme - going from manic highs to devastating lows. I felt abandoned after both my parents died - like I had no support any more." Katie's earliest memories of her "warm" mum were "really nice" - involving days out, long chats and lots of playing. She was too young to understand Teresa's mental health problems, and only child Katie says she was the "sibling I never had". "We were best friends," she said. "She'd always be the one to play with me, because I didn't have any siblings. She just devoted everything to me - we did everything together."

When Katie arrived at secondary school, she started to get the feeling her family was different to everyone else's. She found her mum would have "extreme emotional reactions" to everything Katie would tell her.

It got to the point where Katie stopped telling her anything that might upset her, or cause her to react badly. Katie said: "If I told her I had a bad day, she'd get really over-the-top upset about it "Her emotions and reactions were so extreme, I didn't want to tell her anything bad. It was so stressful, I became extremely protective over her." During her teenage years, Katie remembers a lot of "rowing and shouting" between her parents. When Katie hit her early 20s, Teresa's condition rapidly started to decline.

Between mid-2017 and her death in 2019, she had attempted to take her own life three times. The third, which happened at the end of 2018, left her in intensive care for three months - as her organs began to shut down.

Katie said: "It was really serious. We weren't sure if she was going to come out of it. She was just very neurotic really, for that last year-and-a-half. "It was always up-and-down, but now - it was like, she'd book holidays when she was up, talk about having nothing to live for when she was low." At the time of Teresa's death, Katie was splitting her time living between her family home and her friend's house, down the road. On March 14, 2019, Katie noticed something seemed off with her mother but couldn't pinpoint exactly why. Despite her concerns, Teresa reassured her daughter, saying she'd be fine by morning, and Katie left to stay at a friend's house.

Recalling that night, Katie said, "The last thing I ever said to her was 'get a good night's sleep, I'll see you in the morning.' The police came to my work the next day, and I just knew. They told me, dropped me off home, then it was investigations, the inquest, planning her funeral and throwing myself into my PGCE."

Following Teresa's death, Katie noticed her father, Gary, began to deteriorate emotionally. "There was a palpable relief for my dad after mum died," Katie said. "Knowing he'd basically been in charge of suicide watch for a year-and-a-half - his body just released."

Gary passed away on August 1, 2020, from liver failure caused by excessive drinking. Reflecting on the loss, Katie shared, "I felt instantly abandoned and like I had no direction or support anymore. Losing both parents within a year was a complete shock. I didn't know what to do, or what life was going to look like, moving forward."

For the past five years, Katie has been in therapy, working through her grief and anxiety. As part of National Suicide Prevention Week, Katie is raising awareness about the challenges faced by those grieving after suicide. Now training to be a counsellor, she wants to help others dealing with loss.

"As soon as you even say the word ‘suicide,’ people don't want to talk about it," Katie explained. "People would cross the road if they saw me, or keep their heads down in the supermarket. I think, had mum died a different way, it wouldn’t have been like that. We need to work on de-stigmatising it, and being there for people going through it."