Liam Payne funeral: I sadly know what his older sisters are going through after my brother died

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Liam Payne’s tragic death on October 16 feels very close to home. 

Waking up to the news that Liam Payne has died hit me like a ton of bricks. Not because I was a One Direction fan, but because it felt so close to home. On January 19 2010, my life changed forever as my mother rang me in the middle of the night and said the words: “It’s Ben he’s dead”. 

My 18 year-old brother Benjamin Jimmy Walters died after going to his friends house and trying Morphine (tablet) as a recreational drug. According to the inquest and people who were there, my brother took the tablet and because he didn't “feel the effects” decided to take a second. Ben fell asleep and slipped into a coma as his internal organs shut down. 

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His friends found him the next day and called an ambulance, but it was too late. Four others took one tablet each, three were sick soon after and the fourth Lynsey Wilson, 28, was taken to hospital and put on life support. She died three weeks later and toxicology report found a cocktail of drugs in her system. 

Benjamin Jimmy Walters and Natalie Macdonald (Dixon) 2009Benjamin Jimmy Walters and Natalie Macdonald (Dixon) 2009
Benjamin Jimmy Walters and Natalie Macdonald (Dixon) 2009 | Natalie Dixon

A few months later, Liam Payne and the rest of the One Direction singers would audition for X-Factor. My brother was often compared to the singers as he was a singer in a band ‘The Brooms’ and played guitar. Although it was more Harry Styles he was compared to, watching the group have worldwide success makes you stop and think - would Ben have made it - would he have been famous for the right reasons and not in the newspapers for being a ‘Dead body found in apartment’. 

Even though Liam Payne died after falling from the balcony of the hotel, it seems it was due to having drugs in his system which makes it feel closer to home. And that it was a tragic accident and both Liam and my brother never wanted to die. 

As an older sister (five years older than my brother) I know what Liam Payne’s sisters are going through right now. Asking yourself if you could have done anything to have saved them or changed what has happened. Wishing you had spoken more on the phone or hugged them that bit tighter. Wondering if there will ever be a day you don't cry. 

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Following Ben’s death The Mirror reported several inaccurate stories about how he died and what happened. I was a hairdresser at the time, but I made the decision to become a reporter and make sure my stories were always truthful. I wanted to write the Liam Payne stories so that I knew what I was writing and putting out there was correct and coming from a place of understanding. I’m thinking of his family and especially his sisters because sadly I know all too well what it’s like to lose your younger brother, the one person you are supposed to look after for all your life. 

The funeral will be difficult for everyone. On the day of my brother's funeral my mum told me I wasn't allowed to break down because there would be - and there were - hundreds of people crying their eyes out so we had to be strong for them. So if you see Liam Payne’s sister shed a tear but not break down in pieces, you now know it's because they are putting on a brave face for everyone else. 

Ben’s death changed my life and my career direction. There are still days 14 years later that I still cry because I miss him so much. But there are also smiles and laughter remembering him and sharing memories with my family and now my son (whose due date was on what would have been my brother’s 26th birthday). He knows who uncle Ben is and at six years old already wants to follow in his footsteps by learning to play guitar and style his hair ‘just like uncle Ben’. 

Ben Walters was the coolest person I ever knew and loved to have a good time. We live our lives the way he would have lived his, always smiling, laughing and making jokes. 

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Natalie Dixon is NationalWorld’s Lifestyle reporter. If you liked this article and want to read more about celebrities, fashion, beauty and lifestyle you can follow Natalie Dixon on X here

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