Emilie Kiser shares how she'll remember late son Trigg this Christmas as she admits feeling 'more angry' as festive season approaches

26-year-old Emilie’s eldest son, three-year-old Trigg died in a drowning accident in a pool in the backyard of the family home in Chandler, Arizona, in May.

At the time, she took time away from social media but then returned in August. Since then she has sharing the every day details of her daily life with fans, in similarity to before her son’s fatal accident.

But, in a change to how her content had been before, she is not including her youngest son Teddy, now eight months old, or her husband Brady. Prior to Trigg’s untimely death, the whole Kiser family had been included in Emilie’s videos but now she only records herself.

She also now sometimes talks about the grief she feels following the sudden and unexpected loss of her first child. In one of her recent uploads, the star has spoken candidly about the Christmas season.

She began her video, which was a “Get Ready With Me Video” filmed in her car by saying she knows Christmas will be “the hardest holiday”. “Christmas just feels like a whole other level of hard. As a parent, your entire day on Christmas is around making your children feel special and obviously that is going to feel very different this year,” she said.

She went on to explain how she planned to cope with what is generally accepted to be the most wonderful time of the year when she is grieving. “I’m setting zero expectations for myself. No matter what feeling I’m going to feel I’m allowing myself to fully feel it, not try to push it away, I’m just allowing myself to feel every single feeling that comes.”

She went on to say that initially thought she wouldn’t put any Christmas decorations up, but that speaking to her therapist and thinking about both of her sons made her change her mind. “My therapist gave me the advice of ‘it’s whatever would make you happy and also . . . what made Trigg happy during the holiday and how you constantly have reminders of him around you, she said.

She went on: “Christmas is going to feel so different this year but I obviously still have another child that I want to make the holidays very special for”.

Speaking of Trigg, she said: “I have tried to look at it in a new light so for me, as his mum, I feel like that’s decorating the tree still, putting up stockings and making Christmas cookies.” She added that making cookies had been Trigg’s “favourite favourite” festive activity to do. “It’s the perfect way to keep his memory alive during Christmas and also integrate it into Teddy’s life by talking about him,” she added, saying also that she may call them Trigg’s Christmas cookies.

The influencer, who also shared that she will not be at her home during Christmas but did not say where she will be, also admitted to feeling “more angry” as the big day approaches.

She then “vulnerably” spoke about feeling like she was living a different life to the one she had previously, but that it feels familiar. “It feels almost like I’m repeating my years with Trigg with Teddy because I’m going through all the same milestones I’ve gone through before. But he’s not here anymore.”

Going on to share her concerns, she said: “What if one day I have more kids, is it going to feel like living this past life that I don’t have anymore, or is it going to feel different?” She added that one of her biggest fears is other people forgetting about Trigg.

Emilie ended her video to explain that she will “always co-exist with grief” and said she wanted to share her thoughts in the hope that her video would help someone else also dealing with loss this December.