Married At First Sight UK star Mark Kiley speaks about his father's suicide and the guilt he felt after he died

Mark, now aged 38, who appeared on series eight of the Channel 4 show in 2023, was only 20 when he lost his father.

The reality star said, in hindsight, he realised there were signs that his dad was struggling with his mental health. “He was a man's man who never showed his feelings. I don't think he ever got help because he feared being seen as weak. As he struggled with work and his worth, he began to say things that raised alarm bells for us, like ‘it's time for me to go' or ‘you boys don't need me anymore’,” he said. “Looking back, I can see the despair in those words.”

It was April 8 2007 when Mark received the news that his father had taken his own life. He explained: “I was on my way to my nan's house when I got a call from a family friend asking if everything was okay because the police were outside our home. I thought it was just another family drama. I had no clue what was really happening. I found out later that my brother had discovered him, and it shattered our family.”

Mark, who also had a date in the First Dates restaurant back in 2017, also said he worried that dad didn’t love him as much as his brothers. “Growing up, I felt different. I wanted to play hairdressers, and dad would let me brush his hair. Looking back, maybe that was his way of trying to bond with me. But during my childhood, I didn't understand that.

“We had some good times, but I often felt pushed aside. My brothers bonded with him over things like cars and motorbikes, while I was more comfortable with the women in our family. I thought he didn't love me as much as he loved them.”

Speaking further about his feelings when he learned his dad had died, he said: “I felt so much anger towards my dad for leaving us. I felt numb. I thought ‘what difference does it make? We didn't have a close relationship anyway.’ But that numbness was deceptive, it masked a deeper pain that I was unwilling to confront.”

He went on: “The first year was a blur. Everyone kept saying I seemed fine, but I wasn't dealing with my feelings. When the first anniversary came around, it hit me hard. I realised I would never see him again or have the chance to say goodbye. The last thing I responded to was a text where he said 'I love you,' and I ignored it. That guilt became unbearable.”

Mark then turned to food and alcohol to cope with his grief and difficult feelings. He said he was later hospitalised and then referred for counselling as a result. “I had numerous sessions and participated in a group. It was uncomfortable at first, but I needed it. I realised I wasn't alone in my struggles,” the TV groom said.

He also explained that he is still taking medication. “I'm not ashamed of it,” he said. “It's what helps me function. I want others to know it's okay to seek help. It took me a long time to reach this point of acceptance, to truly understand I am not defined by my grief.”

He added: “For a long time, I was the worst version of myself. Instead of dealing with it, I chose to drown my sorrows, lash out, and blame everything else. I had to learn that grief isn't something you can ignore, it will catch up to you.

“Men are often seen as strong, and asking for help can be labelled as weakness. It hurts that my dad felt he didn't have anyone to talk to about his struggles. I know there are other men who feel the same. We need to change that narrative.”

The dating show helpful said he hopes that in the future there will be open discussions about mental health which will then lead to understanding and healing. He also wants to help other people who have a similar story to his own. “My dad was a family man. He worked hard to provide for us. He wasn't perfect, but everyone loved him. He was always the one to make people feel welcomed in our home.

“He worked hard for our family and encouraged us to be ourselves, even if we didn't fully understand it at the time. It's essential for everyone to know they are not alone and that it's okay to seek help,” he said.

The star tied the knot with Sean Malkin on hit Channel 4 dating show MAFS - but the pair's relationship was short-lived when they both agreed they didn’t have an emotional connection.

In an interview with The Sun shortly after appearing on the show, Mark claimed he had take a £7,000 pay cut to return to his old job when his reality TV stint was brief. He had hoped he'd be “living the high life” following his appearance on the show, but this was not the case.

He said: “When I went on the show, I quit my job and I missed a prepaid holiday that I spent £1,700 on. I left everything to do this, only to come out with nothing. I know it was my choice but it felt like I was mis-sold this dream that it would work and I would say goodbye to my normal life.”

In response, a Channel 4 spokesman said: “All contributors are thoroughly prepped for the experience of being on Married at First Sight UK, a prominent TV reality series. We stress to all cast that the series should not be seen as a vehicle to gain fame or celebrity and warn against unrealistic expectations of this nature.”

Mark is one of 19 reality TV contestants who have been on more than one dating show - including 17 who have been on Married at First Sight.

• If you are suffering with suicidal thoughts, you can contact The Samaritans on 116 123 for free, confidential support People with hearing problems or other communication difficulties can text 07889 036 280.